Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
