wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize