Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
