Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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