How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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