she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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