apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
