I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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