It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
