The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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