Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
