I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
