This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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