Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
