uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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