I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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