she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
as a side note pls kill me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
