so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
