I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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