remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
