I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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