I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
