Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
