he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
