My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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