apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
