You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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