I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize