she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
