I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
