I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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