Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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