finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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