This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
