Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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