tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
