chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
