dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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