she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
BRING THE BAGELS
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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