There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
