I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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