I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
