I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
