I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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