The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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