I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
