my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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