this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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