this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
