The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
