his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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