He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
