She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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