Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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