I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wear drunk well.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize