I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
