This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
