If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
