That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
