Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
