For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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