So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
