Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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