You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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