I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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