I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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