we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
