I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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