Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
