Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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