I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
