one two three fourrrrnication!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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