I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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