insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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